Relationships Don't Have Problems, People Do!

Whether they realize it or not, couples get married for two reasons. First, they intuitively recognize a similarity of beliefs about how the world ought to be. This core values match is usually unconscious and unacknowledged, and yet has the potential to underpin a great relationship. They also get together because they recognize a wounded soul mate—an identical pairing up of emotional and psychological familiars that lead them to reproduce painful, but predictable feelings from their past.

"We have yet to see a marriage that did not contain both of these elements," say the authors. "Human beings have an interpersonal radar that makes the Doppler system look like Playdoh."

This groundbreaking and undeniably radical book reveals some surprising truths about marriage. For example:

  • There are a number of marriage myths floating around out there that most people accept as gospel. Opposites attract . . . selflessness is the basis of the best relationships . . . love will keep you together. When you give up these childish and unrealistic beliefs, you take an important and necessary step toward personal growth.
  • Great marriages translate their values match into an energizing and inspiring vision of the good life, while challenging each partner to grieve their familiars and minimize their impact on the relationship.
  • Poor marriages ignore their values match and use their familiars as weapons, in a desperate attempt to get from the present what they failed to get from their past. But you can never change your past; you can only grieve it. Consequently, most marriages aren’t sick – they’re stuck.

Though this book will almost certainly shatter some of your preconceived notions, it has at its heart a deeply inspiring message: when you and your partner commit to healing old wounds and strive for personal growth, you will greatly expand your capacity for intimacy. And that's the key to unlocking the joy of love in the present tense.


To order your own copy click on the book below, and read some reader reviews on

Love in the Present Tense

Love in the Present Tense: How to Have a High Intimacy, Low Maintenance Relationship (book)

Morrie Shechtman and Arleah Shechtman

  • "Subscribe to the theory of plenty and read this book"
  • "Is the honeymoon over?..........Read This!"
  • "A great resource to conquer or avoid rocky patches"

Drawing on their expertise on personal growth in the workplace and from their experience with couples in their popular workshops, Morrie and Arleah Shechtman present a new approach that challenges common notions about what makes a good marriage work. They recognize that myths about marriage often lead people to aim for unrealistic ideals. In Love in the Present Tense, the Shechtmans examine eight myths of relationships, including "Love will carry you through the hard times," "You need to work on your relationship if you want it to be good," and "Spending lots of time together is very important," and present contrasting realities to help strengthen the bond. For those working to build a relationship or struggling to hold one together, this book presents powerful new ways to overcome old behaviors and create a new connection that springs from a shared understanding of one another's needs.